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Health & Fitness

Jenna Jameson Pleads Not Guilty to DUI

A satirical look at current events!

Jenna Jameson Pleads Not Guilty to DUI:  Adult film star Jenna Jameson has pleaded not guilty to drunk driving charges stemming from a May 25 fender-bender in Westminster, California.  If found guilty, she is expected to ask to preform “community service.”

Fewer Teens Seeking Drivers Licenses:  According to a recent study, fewer teens are interested in driving these days with the percentage of US 19-year-olds holding drivers' licenses dropping from 87.3% in 1983 to 69.5% in 2010.  That’s because driving takes too much time away from the time that could be spent texting. 

Blind South Korean Archer Takes the Gold:  Im Dong-hyun, a legally blind archer from South Korea, is being called a role model as set the first two world records of the 2012 Olympics in London.  I’m totally happy for him, but I’m not so sold about his “role model” status.  I’m all for people with disabilities excelling to their maximum potential, on the other hand, I’m not quite sure its such a great idea to encourage blind people to take up archery. 

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Kristen Stewart Issues Statement Apologizing for Cheating:  Rumors had been swirling that Kristen Stewart has been cheating on boyfriend Robert Pattinson with Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders, which apparently was confirmed after Stewart issued a statement apologizing to Pattinson for what she has done.  Where else but in Hollywood would someone issue a “statement” apologizing for cheating on their boyfriend?  You’d think she’d have the common decency to handle this like everyone else by posting it to Twitter.

Human Brain Sees Men as a Whole, Woman as Parts:  A glimpse at any magazine rack will tell you that women are frequently the focus of sexual objectification, but new research finds that the brain actually processes images of women differently than those of men, contributing to this trend.  Funny, but true.  In fact, even women tend see men more as “a whole,” only they tend spell it “a-hole.”

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No Lost Cars:  A mall in Santa Monica, California has installed the nation’s first camera-based system, designed to assist mall patrons in finding lost cars in their parking garages.  Not to be outdone, a local church a few blocks down down the street decided to install cameras in their parking lot, with the hope of finding lost souls.

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