Fashion Therapy: "Desperately Seeking Someone"

  Wendy Plumb

                Owner, The Cottage

Fashion Therapy: ‘Desperately Seeking Someone’

"It’s probably not just by chance that I’m alone.  It would be very hard for a man to live with me, unless he’s terribly strong.  And if he’s stronger than I, I’m the one who can’t live with him.  I’m neither smart nor stupid, but I don’t think I’m a run-of-the-mill person.  I’ve been in business without being a businesswoman; I’ve loved without being a woman made only for love.  The two men I’ve loved, I think, will remember me, on earth or in heaven, because men always remember a woman who caused them concern and uneasiness.  I’ve done my best, in regard to people and to life, without precepts, but with a taste for justice."

                                                                                             - Coco Chanel

 To what lengths will we go to meet the perfect partner; the love of our life… Prince Charming?  It seems like more than ever there is a great desperation among many modern women to find a man. Why is it more difficult now than before?  Are we ever really satisfied?  If we’re not… why not?  What are we doing wrong? 

 Every time I turn around there is someone complaining about their ‘relationship’, or lack thereof.  I have women friends between 30-65 years of age looking for a relationship, and no matter what they can’t seem to find one.  Many have been married & divorced; some have children and some never have and don’t want any.  Their economic situations are similar - they all support themselves, but want a partner who can support them as well.  They are beautiful women, well-schooled and talented in multiple ways, but they all cannot find a partner.

 Some of these women have tried using psychics who told them they were going to get married and live happily ever after.  One was even told she had a curse, and “the curse had to be removed before she would find a man”.  Of course, the psychic offered to remove the curse with just ‘a few more sessions at so much per session’!

 Others have attended seminars on ‘How to Marry a Man’.  One lady even wrote a book on how to get married and has developed quite a following.  The book is entitled, How To Get To ‘I Do’.

 (I always wondered what a guy would think if he found that book as bedside reading material at the outset of a new relationship!)  

 Recently, I met some women who were sick and tired of not finding the ‘right one’.  So they took affirmative action and are trying Online Dating!  It appears this approach can take on a life of its own.  It becomes a full time job. 

 Along with their photo, they post personal profiles of themselves’ and then sit back and wait to see who winks at them via email.  After the “winking” process comes a response, which sometimes leads to a real date or, for some, maybe just coffee.  Ostensibly the process goes on until your match matches another.  For many this method has worked, but for others it has led to complete disappointment.  They are left feeling more frustrated than before they started.

 So what is the answer: Well, I don’t know.  I do believe, however, in fate.  I believe there are times in our lives when we will have a partner and times when we are destined to be alone.  The times in which we have a partnership are not always easy; and neither is the thought of one more day by yourself. 

 If you are alone right now, ask yourself ‘why’.  There is most likely a reason and it may be that you are just not willing to give up what it takes to have a close relationship with another person.  Sometimes we need to appreciate where we are and what we have in order to move on to the next stage of our lives.

 I also find it interesting that people who are alone always identify themselves as being alone, when in fact their lives are quite full.  Human affection, love and support do not only come from a boyfriend or husband.  And too often there are times when our expectations of ‘the one’ are so high they are impossible to fulfill. 

 If we could all only embrace our lives where they are at the moment… before you know it, your life could change.  Who really knows when destiny steps in?  I often find it happens when least expected.

 If you are seeking passion in your life then live your life passionately.  If security is what you desire, then make sure you already feel secure.  If pure friendship is what is important to you, then be a good friend.  Take an inventory of how you live your life and the people already in your life.  I read once that our life is a hall of mirrors; it will reflect back everything we need to know.  Value the time when you are not in a relationship - for then “value” may just walk into your life.

 I believe in love; I believe in everlasting love.  I also know it takes a lot of patience, a strong will and a woman who is willing to endure it all.

 Xo

Wendy