Mayor Swine Almost Ruins X-mas!

Neighborhood Watch Commander Rudely Interrupted, Again!

by Liz Lerner on Saturday, December 25, 2013.

I was in the middle of phoning the neighborhood about the prospects of incoming rain when Mal Fescence and his fat friend Minnie Pause threw a brick at my door and demanded I get outside immediately. It seems part of my Commander duties include protecting Christmas Decorations from rain damage and I was ordered to report to Mayor Swine's house on the double.

Mal and Min forced me to climb the Mayor’s fire escape in order to protect his emaciated Santa Claus sitting in the pink sled atop his roof. Well, everyone knows what a cheap pig Swine is, so I wasn't surprised to discover I was holding an umbrella over Babette, a blow-up doll dressed in a red negligee, instead of a real Santa!

It's a good thing I hid a bottle of Meyer's Rum in my Ugg boots or I would've never made it through the Night. 

In accordance with my official Watch Commander duties, as a consumer service, I would like to report that Babette is anatomically correct in all the important places and when Swine has his annual Valentine’s Day Garage Sale, Babette is in A-1 condition even with duct tape here and there.

Happy New Year 2014.