Inspiring Story of Letting Go

I don't know why it is--perhaps it is my sweet, trusting face; deep-blue eyes; or an aura of open-heartedness, but people, even complete strangers, come to me and tell me their life stories. I have folks come up to me even in public places like grocery stores and post offices and do this.

If it is someone I know who I will see again, often they seem to pull away from me after their confessions. I assume they are ashamed of what they told me or fear my judgment. Perhaps they feel they bared themselves too quickly, but I don't pry this information out of them; they just feel naturally drawn to tell me.

I have had the same encounters on Temescal Canyon Association hikes. I will get in a personal conversation with a fellow hiker and hear their tale. A couple of them found themselves in tears as they tell me their heartfelt stories. I am most fortunate that one of those hikers did not pull away but chose to be my friend. Her story is one of the most inspiring I have heard, and I asked her if I might share it here. She agreed.

My friend is a divorcee, mother of 2 grown sons. Her eldest suffered from bi-polar disorder coupled with a drug addiction. There came a point when she began to fear for his life. She was trying everything she could do to save him and clean up the messes created by his instability. She was terrified to hear the phone ring, never knowing what would be next.

The stress of it began to eat away at her physical and emotional health, and she realized that it didn't serve her to allow the situation to make her sick. What good could she be to her or him if she was ill? So she began to go to a support group and joined a church. She was looking for anywhere she could to find comfort and relief.

She began to pray for her son to heal, and those prayers gave her the comfort she needed to cope the best she could. She also found the strength to begin to emotionally separate from the issue. She decided she was no longer going to run frantically to rescue her son but sometimes give the universe a chance to intervene. She realized she had absolutely no control and had to hand the situation entirely over. Letting go completely comes in stages. It's rarely a one-shot deal.

The prayers were comforting her for a while, but then she began to see he was getting worse. She told me that one day her prayers for his healing transformed into prayers for his peace in whatever form that took--even death. How she had the strength to accept this possibility, I do not know; but she knew she had to or she too would be destroyed.

And so she prayed for his unconditional peace, and the day came--he committed suicide. Strangely, she was not destroyed. She grieved, yes--but not in the way you would expect. There was a strength she had found in her spirituality that held her together.

She went through her grieving period and then began to embrace life in a big way. Today her eyes shine brightly, and she has unrelenting passion to live. She found, as the Bible says, "a peace that surpasses all understanding." She faced the worst fear any parent can face and came out the other side. There's very little to fear after you've gone through that.

I am happy to call such a brave woman my friend. Her story reminds me of what I have come to learn from my own experience as one who was once in need of "rescuing." You cannot save another person. You can assist, support, and love them--but not save them. In the end only that person can save him/herself. Your love and belief in them may help influence their decision to live. That is true, but it is also true that it may have no influence at all. They make the final decision. Once you know this in your heart, as my friend discovered--then letting go truly begins.