Zoo Opens New Animal Trail System

A satirical look at current events!

Zoo Opens New Animal Trail System:  The Philadelphia Zoo has opened the first leg of an ambitious enclosed trail system designed to let animals such as great apes, bears and big cats roam the zoo, giving them access to one another's habitats in a kind of time-share arrangement and offer visitors a closer look at wild animals behaving like wild animals.  Which of course has many wondering if the same technique could somehow work for the cast of “Jersey Shore.”

India Announces 2013 Mars Mission:  Prime Minister Manmohan Singh called India’s plans to send a space mission to Mars in 2013 a giant leap forward for science and technology in the country.  As if finding decent tech support isn’t difficult enough already, now we’re gonna have to call Mars?  And just who’s supposed to pay for that call?


Galaxy Creating New Stars:  Astronomers used NASA’s Chandra X-Ray telescope to spot this distant gigantic galaxy creating about 740 new stars a year as compared to our Milky Way galaxy which spawns just about one new star each year.  Astonished NASA scientists say this is possibly the only place in the Universe that is creating more new stars each year than reality TV shows.

New Toilet Technology After 150 Years:  Scientists from around the world have taken up the $370 million challenge of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation to reinvent the toilet for the  2.5 billion people around world who don't have access to modern sanitation.  Talk about throwing money down the toilet!


New Chin:  Roger Ebert now has a new prosthetic chin to replace the chin he lost after lost to cancer surgery in 2006.  An Ebert spokesperson claims the decision to go with a prosthetic chin was made only after talks with Jay Leno broke down.

Bats Wake Up From Hibernation Pregnant:  Some female bats wake up from hibernation to discover they are pregnant, having been impregnated in their sleep.  Guess that’s the price you pay for “hanging” with the wrong crowd.


Fukushima Nuclear Disaster Spawns Mutant Butterflys:  Japanese scientists are extremely concerned after discovering that radiation from Japan's Fukushima nuclear disaster has spawned a mutant domestic butterfly species.  When you consider that Japan is Godzilla’s home turf, I think that we should feel pretty lucky that the only species that got mutated are the butterflies.


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