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Health & Fitness

Judo Olympian Booted For Pot

A satirical look at current events!

Judo Olympian Booted For Pot:  American judo Olympian Nick Delpopolo has been disqualified from the games after testing positive for THC, but the 23-year-old claims that the trace amounts of marijuana must have been due to some food he ate before leaving for the Olympics.  So instead of appearing on the front of a Wheaties box like most Olympians, his picture is now most likely destined for a Cheetos bag.

Mars Landscape Looks Like Mojave Desert:  NASA scientists say that the first impression that you get from looking at the images sent back from the Mars rover Curiosity is how much the Mars landscape looks so similar to the California's Mojave Desert.  So let me get this straight, we spent $2.5 billion traveling 352 million miles for 8 1/2 months, when we could have just driven a few miles outside of Victorville, take a few pictures and then head back to LA in the same afternoon?

Aztec Burial Site Yields Hundreds of Bones:  Archaeologists in Mexico say they have found an unprecedented human burial in which the skeleton of a young woman was found surrounded by piles of 1,789 human bones.  Must have been like a late-night snack for one of Jeffrey Dahmer’s ancestors.

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New York Subway Offers Free Wi-Fi:  With 1.6 billion riders each year, the new free Wi-Fi offering in New York's subway is a big hit with commuters.  Grateful commuters say that before the city started offering the free Wi-Fi, it was nearly impossible for anyone to watch porn during their commute to work.

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Roseanne Barr Named Peace And Freedom Party's Presidential Candidate:  At their convention in Los Angeles, Roseanne Barr has been named the Peace And Freedom Party's Presidential Candidate for 2012.  If elected president, her first act will be to declare Tom Arnold the new Benedict Arnold.

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Couple Orders TV, Receives Semi-Automatic Rifle Instead:  In an odd turn of events, a Washington, D.C. couple who ordered a TV through Amazon, received a semi-automatic rifle instead.  The couple figured either someone accidentally sent them a gun or this television has one hell of a remote.

Super Glue Inventor Dies:  Harry Coover, the inventor of Super Glue, has died at the age of 94.  You can bet that’ll be one tightly-sealed casket. 

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