Eyes May Reveal Sexual Orientation

A satirical look at current events!

Eyes May Reveal Sexual Orientation:  A newly released study found that a person’s eyes can reveal sexual orientation based upon pupil dilation.  Which pretty much explains why John Travolta’s been wearing sunglasses these days.

Massachusetts Doctor Wins Green Party’s Nomination:  Massachusetts doctor Jill Stein, who ran against Mitt Romney for governor of that state a decade ago, has won the Green Party's presidential nomination.  I intended to vote for the Green Party in the last election, but accidentally voted for the “Gangrene Party.”  We can only hope that because Jill Stein is a medical doctor, she’ll be able to explain the difference.

Back Living With Parents:  New data shows that more Southern California young adults are living with their parents than in most other regions of the country.  I considered moving back in with my parents, but eventually abandoned the idea because they’re both dead.

Biggest Drought Since 1956:  The drought gripping the United States is covering the widest area since 1956, according to new data released by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.  Many are saying that this is the driest they’ve seen things since Charlie Sheen quit drinking.


Shark Bites Man Off Cape Cod:  A man swimming at a Cape Cod beach has been bitten by a shark.  Yet another example of what a big mistake it is to just assume that all the sharks are summering in the Hamptons this year.

Street Lights Melting in Oklahoma Heat:  KFOR TV in Stillwater, Oklahoma is reporting that temperatures are so high that the city’s street lamps have begun melting.  Stillwater officials say that if the heat spell doesn’t break soon, they’ll have no choice but to move all the street lamps indoors.

Lake Tahoe Voted America’s Best Lake:  Lake Tahoe has just been voted America’s best lake in a poll taken by USA Today.  Sadly, Ricki Lake didn’t even make the list this year.  

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