Gap Founder Dies at Age 81: Donald G. Fisher, who co-founded apparel giant “The Gap,” has died at age 81 after a long battle with cancer. I think we can safely assume those invited to attend the funeral were told to “dress causal.”
Tourist Bitten in Half: A young tourist riding on a bodyboard has been bitten in half by what is believed to be a great white shark off a beach near Cape Naturaliste in western Australia. Friends say its perhaps better he didn’t survive because, had he lived, he’d only have been half the man he used to be.
Bill Gates Searching for Super Condom: Recognizing that condoms are widely available, but that many men don’t like using them because they decrease pleasure, Bill and Melinda Gates will be ponying up $100,000 for someone to make a condom that actually feels good. Forget how good they may feel, who the hell would want to use a condom that has “Microsoft” printed all over it? And let’s just hope that Intel doesn’t decide to get into the condom business also. Imagine wearing a condom that says “Intel Inside.”
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Money to Map The Human Brain: White House officials say President Obama will announce plans to set aside $100 million in federal funds toward an initiative to map the human brain. The bad news is they hired Apple to do the mapping.
Montana Senate Passes Roadkill-Salvage Bill: The Montana state Senate has just passed a bill allowing residents to salvage large animals such as elk, moose, deer, and antelope that are killed by cars for food. In related news, irate buzzards are reportedly organizing a flyover of the state capitol building.
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Japanese Man Poisons Woman’s Shoes In Murder Attempt: Police say that a Japanese man attempted, but failed, to kill a woman colleague he was stalking by putting a deadly poison in one of her shoes. Oh, the agony of de feet. Guess their relationship started off on the wrong foot. One thing’s for sure, I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes.
Zoo Tigers Involved in Deadly Love Triangle: Zoo officials say that female tiger has apparently killed her mate at a West Texas zoo in a rare attack that came after months of simmering jealousy in a feline love triangle. Authorities say if the allegations are proven, the tiger could spend the rest of her life behind bars.
Michael Kors’ World Hunger Campaign: Top fashion designer Michael Kors has launched a new campaign to stop world hunger through the United Nations World Food Programme (WFP). I understand where he gets his passion. Working with supermodels in the fashion industry, he has seen plenty of real hunger first hand.
Majority Support Pot Legalization: A new study found that for the first time ever, the majority (52%) of Americans now support the legalization of marijuana. Perhaps, but those figures sound a bit “high” to me.
Scientists Close In On Dark Matter: Scientists announced that they may be close to tracking down the mysterious but invisible "dark matter,” which many feel may also help science confirm the existence of parallel universes. Hell, if you really want to confirm the existence of parallel universes, all you have to do is watch Fox News for an hour or so and then suddenly change the channel over to MSNBC.
