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Bedbugs Shut Down Michigan Library

A satirical look at current events!

Bedbugs Shut Down Michigan Library:  Officials had to close a Kalamazoo Public Library branch in Michigan after they found bedbugs in book bindings during an inspection.  Ironically, a nearby mattress store had to be closed after inspectors found bookworms.

Pope Resigning for the Good of the Church:  Citing age and health, 85-year-old Pope Benedict XVI announced that he had resigned for the “good of the church,” making him the first pope in nearly 600 years to step aside.  Sounds as if he was just too pooped to Pope.  

Utah Man Cited Over Doctor Bill Payment:  A Utah man has been charged with disorderly conduct for trying to pay a disputed doctor’s bill with all pennies.  In related news, an Indiana man refused to pay his cardiologist’s bill and ended up under cardiac arrest.

Elderly Want More Sex:  A new study shows that more men are staying sexually active in their 70s, 80s and 90s, with more than 40% of those sexually active men saying that they wish they were having more sex.  The other 60% say they’d be content just to have regular bowel movements.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Carnival Passenger Bus Breaks Down:  After finally getting off a sewage-filled cruise ship in Mobile, Alabama, one group of unlucky travelers boarded a bus to New Orleans only to have that ride break down as well.  Let’s face it folks, you know its been a pretty lousy vacation when arriving in Alabama is the highlight of your trip.  Many weary passengers say they just can’t wait to get home and pee in their own showers again.

Solar System Rocks Counted:  A newly completed NASA survey of space rocks in our solar system revealed 20 new comets and 33,000 asteroids.  Now what’s the point of counting all the rocks floating around the solar system?  It isn’t as if someone’s gonna try and steal any of them.

Majority of Americans Support Horsemeat Testing: According to a new poll, a majority of Americans would support a bill that requires testing of meat products here in the US to ensure that beef products don’t contain horsemeat as some beef lasagna dinners were found to have in Europe this year.  Supporters say that if the bill passes, you will still be able lead a horse to water, but you can’t put it in frozen lasagna.

Chubby Checker Sues Over Manhood App:  Singer Chubby Checker apparently is not all that amused about a software app that bears his name that is used to estimate the size of a man's penis based on his shoe size, so the 71-year-old singer has filed a lawsuit.  Apparently Chubby wasn’t all that happy with the results he got after using the app.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Home Depot to Hire 80,000 New Employees:  Home Depot has just announced plans to hire 80,000 new employees.  They almost have to, because like the rest of us, its next to impossible to find where any of their current employees are hiding.

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