81-year-old Man Shoots Self After Sneezing: An 81-year-old man has been hospitalized after accidentally sneezing and shooting himself while attempting to kill a large raccoon that had broken into his home. Police say they were unable to identify the raccoon because he was wearing a mask.
Zurich to Open Prostitution Drive-Thrus: The Swiss city of Zurich approved a measure that will open prostitution “drive-thrus” in the city, where customers can place their orders for one of 40 prostitutes and then have sex with them in a wooden booth. I don’t know what these drive-thrus will be called, but “Jack in the Box” or “In-N-Out” seem to be a pretty good fit. Just pull up and order yourself a “happy meal.”
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Large Cat Sighting Frightens Detroit Neighborhood: Residents of a northeastern Detroit neighborhood expressed concern after seeing an extremely large cat prowling their neighborhood, which an expert believes is a Savannah cat - a hybrid cross between an African serval and a domestic house cat. I could be wrong here, but when you’re living in a city like Detroit, one would think that the least of your worries would be a hybrid house cat on the loose in your neighborhood.
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Crocodile Takes Australian Man as Friends Watch: A 24-year-old man was snatched and presumably killed by a crocodile in front of all his friends after he tried to swim across a river near the northern Australian town of Darwin, ignoring plenty of posted warnings regarding crocodile danger. All I can say is, it's rather fitting that this act of stupidity occurred near a town named “Darwin.”
Lamar Odom Missing for Three Days: Lamar Odom's friends and family members reportedly haven't been able to contact the basketball star for almost three days and are concerned he has gone a crack cocaine-fueled drug binge. Of course the Clippers and Mavericks might argue that he's actually been missing for the past 2 seasons.
